Sell Coffins, Anyone?

COFFIN INCENTIVE BUILDER. It’s a unique job and opportunity. You’d help a lot of people get a product they never thought or imagined they’d so badly need. Probably few people take reserving coffins for themselves for future use seriously, though some are beginning to see the wisdom in buying memorial or life plans.

No one in the world thinks he or she needs a coffin at the moment. But the fact is, we never know. You can be so fit and healthy and happy now and then dead the next moment. For instance, I heard about how one healthy, happy guy who just got a promotion and a raise suddenly died because of an ant bite. Queer, isn’t it? Well, he was crossing a national highway here in Manila (yes, people just naturally cross national highways here anytime they want) but while in the middle of the highway where fast vehicles went past him left and right, an ant suddenly bit his big toe and he bent and was hit by a truck.

Well, of course, that’s a joke.

My point is, it’s possible to suddenly need a coffin for yourself. If you help open people’s eyes to this reality–you’re a real sales hero. It’s a major achievement, a life milestone. So, be a coffin seller?

But don’t be a coffin seller of the traditional type. Be radical. Traditional coffin dealers dress too formally. Just wear jeans and bright colored shirts. And don’t wear that too formal hair-do either. It easily gives away your funeralistic intentions. Try a spike or anime hair style. They’ll never know what product you carry until it’s too late. The element of surprise often shocks victims to submission–and into buying. Then you make a sale. See? It’s easy to be a coffin seller. 

Offer them a discount if they buy in bulk or buy-one-take-one. Better yet, a 7-day free trial where they can take the coffin home and everyone in the family can try it, see to whom it fits. They can brag about it to friends and relatives. If not satisfied, they can return it any time within the 7-day period, and no questions asked. Once they buy one they can lend it to a friend or relative in sudden need or have it rented. When the time comes and they need it themselves, they simply ask it back. Coffins is big business. Everyone needs one and all you have to do is make people realize its value.

In other words, scare them into buying.

How about surprising your friends this Christmas? A casket gift is unique and will surely do the trick. And if they get angry at you for doing so, just tell them it was a joke. No need to make a big deal of it.

So, be a coffin seller?


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